Like most blokes I love making lists. Every now and then I'll stick up assorted random Top 5 lists of mine on this page. And if that ain't enough for you, may I steer you in the direction of this marvellous blog

Coloured Eyes
	1) Black Eyes - Jimmy & The Rackets 2) Yellow Eyes - The Gun Club 3) A Pair of Brown Eyes - The Pogues 4) Green Eyes - Husker Du 5) Pale Blue Eyes - The Velvet Underground

Killdozer lyrics

Now, normally lyrics just sail on past me, but every now and then I hear a lyric that stands out, normally because it's either funny, or rude, or both. The mighty Killdozer were one band who knew how to write a good lyric or 5: 1) "I got a feeling that makes me sing to the Lord, when you put your velvety sheath around my glistening sword" from Space 1999 on the Twelve Point Buck lp 2) "The dude next to me said 'gimme a hit', so I passed him a joint I already lit, when I saw his badge I thought 'this is it', but he just said to me 'man, this is good shit'" from The Pig Was Cool 7" 3) "You call this a hamburger? Hell, I could make a better hamburger with my asshole" from Hamburger Martyr on the Burl ep 4) "Everyone but my old man was blown to kingdom come, He was left with a face that looked like chewed bubblegum" from The Ballad of My Old Man on the Little Baby Buntin' lp 5) "Lupus took the life of Flannery O'Connor, she wrote many books before death came upon her" from Lupus on the Twelve Point Buck lp

A Crock O' Puns

1) Acropolis Now - Thee Mighty Caesars 2) From Rusholme With Love - Barry Adamson (from the equally puntastic Taming of the Shrewd ep) 3) Bring Me The Rest of Alfredo Garcia - The Flaming Stars, the vast majority of whose output is pun-related 4) Liquor In The Front, Poker In The Back - Reverend Horton Heat (took me ages to spot that one. Duh) 5) Electric Landlady - Kirsty MacColl (one of the better puns on Hendrix's lp)

Songs about Clucking
	"You can make chicken noises on a guitar if you're dead clever" quoth the great John Peel 1) Rooster Stew - Bo Diddley 2) Chicken - The Spark Plugs 3) Chicken Choke - Link Protrudi & The Jaymen 4) Little Red Rooster - The Rolling Stones 5) Rockin In The Henhouse - Huevos Rancheros

Things John Lloyd has had a hand in
	1) Not The Nine O'Clock News 2) The News Quiz 3) QI 4) The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy 5) The Meaning of Liff John Lloyd, eh, what a top fella.

Blind artistes
	Inspired by a comedy accident I had the other day in which I poked myself in the eye with a bag of hats and scratched my cornea. Ooyah. Still, could've been worse, as I'm sure any of the following five would agree. 1) Ray Charles 2) Blind Willie McTell 3) Jose Feliciano 4) Clarence Carter 5) Blind Willie Johnson

Guitars I don't have...yet
	1) Vox Phantom 2) Mosrite 3) Fender XII 4) Gretsch 6120 (I've got a nice copy, but it's not the real deal...) 5) Danelectro Longhorn Bass

Blank Lee Blank
	1) Jerry Lee Lewis 2) Billy Lee Riley 3) Jeffrey Lee Pierce 4) John Lee Hooker 5) Jamie Lee Curtis but most definitely neither of those talentless quimchins, Dave Lee Travis & Justin Lee Collins.

Texans
	1) 13th Floor Elevators 2) Reverend Horton Heat 3) Dale Hawkins 4) Buddy Holly 5) Big Mama Thornton

LP Sleeveheads
	According to bagrec, this is all the rage. I think they're great. See here for even more great examples. 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)

Boo Hoo
	1) I'm Crying - Los Infernos 2) I'll Cry Instead - Joe Cocker (odd that the bloke responsible for the worst ever Beatles cover - With a Little Help - should also have done one of the best ones, albeit 4 years earlier and with far better source material) 3) Cry In The Night - Q65 4) I'm So Lonesone I Could Cry - Hank Williams 5) Why Do I Cry?  - The Remains

Best Gigs of 2007

1) Joe Brown at the Millfield Theatre, 9th March. Multi-talented multi-instrumentalist proves he's so much more than a one trick cock-er-nee wan-kah, which is what I'd previously and quite erroneously considered him to be. 2) Sonic Youth performing Daydream Nation at the Roundhouse, 31st August.  Best SY album by a country mile, and the band looked like they were enjoying themselves as much as the audience. 3) Rodrigo Y Gabriela at the Hammersmith Odeon*, 9th December. Who'd've thought that 2 acoustic guitarists could enthrall a packed Odeon for 90 minutes. And as for Gabriela's strumming hand... 4) The Wildebeests at the Dirty Water, 15th September. First time I'd seen them since the Las Vegas Grind in 1999, and good to see that they're still as ramshackle/brilliant as ever. 5) Grinderman at the Town & Country Club*, 20th June. Great set from Grinderman, shockingly bad set from Suicide and annoyingly I missed Seasick Steve, who was the opening act. *Yeah, yeah I know the Odeon is now the Apollo and the T&C is the Forum, but I still live in a world of Marathons, Opal Fruits, Jif not Cif, etc...

Indian dishes
	1) Chicken Sag Dupiaza 2) Chicken (or Lamb for that matter) Biryani 3) Non Veg Thali 4) Onion Bhaji 5) Poppadoms

Caricatures of me

1) Mine & Ruth's Wedding Invitation. Drawn by the insanely talented Bruce Brand. 2) Detail from front cover of The Diaboliks final release, a split 12" e.p. with 54 Nude Honeys This one was drawn by the fantastic Vince Ray, and as you can see features The Diaboliks and 54 Nude Honeys having a good ol' dust up. 3) Front cover of Charles Napiers' Regular 40 e.p. This one was knocked up by a bloke called David from Check My Chops, a fanzine dedicated to sideburns(!) Not sure whether it ran to more than one issue... 4) Detail from back cover of The Diaboliks' "Ramrod/Slaveboy" double A-sided single This one was drawn by a friend of Anja's called Tina (I think). I'd only met her once, and when it came to her drawing the caricatures of the band she realised she had no idea what I looked like, other than she recalled I had a big pair of chops. So for the rest of it, she just guessed, hence the frilly shirt with the Harry Hill collars... 5) The first 3 Charles Napiers "cassette only" releases... The above picture is taken from the sleevenotes to the "This Is...Mondo Wray" compilation CD as I couldn't be bothered to root through the garage to unearth the original tapes. The Napiers' first 3 recording sessions, at Toe Rag Mk1, were released in their entirity on cassettes with hastily knocked up covers by me. For the first one, I tried to preserve the anonymity of the band by sticking heads of lookalikes onto the hand-drawn bodies (I'm Tim Robbins, Danny is Bob Carolgees, John is Adrian Pasdar) but I couldn't find a good enough lookalike for Clive, so that's his own bonce. By the 2nd tape we'd progressed to all having our own heads on hand drawn bodies and by the 3rd tape it's all real, except for John's left arm which was cut off the edge of the photo, so I filled it in with black marker pen.

Guitar Solos

1) Ramones - I Wanna Be Sedated - 1 note 2) Buzzcocks - Boredom - 2 notes 3) Shadows Of Knight - Gonna Make You Mine - best garage punk solo of all time. Excellent drumfill after it too 4) The Squires - Going All The Way - second best garage punk solo 5) The Kinks - She's Got Everything - Dave Davies was the absolute king of the hamfisted solo best displayed on this cracking number, which was on the b-side of the 'kin awful "Days"

George Barris Kustom Kars
	George Barris, self title King of the Kustomizers, and for good reason... 1) The Batmobile 2) The Munsters Koach 3) The Monkeemobile 4) The General Lee 5) Dragula

Reasons I don't wear flares

And indeed haven't done since I was a kid in the 70s 1) They're unsightly 2) They're a health hazard. You can catch your left foot in your right flare and go arse over tit. Or get them caught in your bicycle chain. 3) They're a sign of bad music. For example, look at soul - in the 60s soul was good and trouser bottoms were narrow. In the 70s, soul was bad and the trousers bottoms were generous.  Co-incidence? I think not. Same goes for The Who - My Generation; narrow strides, good album. Who's Next; bell bottoms, overblown rock cobblers with synths (ugh). 4) I had a particularly nasty pair of half mast beige corduroy lionels when I was a nipper. Even at the tender age of 7 I realised they looked 'kin awful. 5) I am neither a sailor, nor a funk musician - the only two groups of people who should be allowed by law to wear them.

Songs with the filthiest guitar sound
	1) Bad Man - The Oblivians 2) Tatty Seaside Town - The Membranes 3) Psycho - The Swamp Rats 4) I Just Don't Understand - Ann-Margret 5) Rumble - Link Wray

Spanish language films

1) Jamon Jamon (1992) - Penelope Cruz's character is informed that her knockers taste of ham and tortilla, plus it features a spectacular fight to the death with huge legs of jamon. Fantastic. 2) Y tu mama tambien (2001) - Excellent Mexican film in which two horny teenagers and an older woman head off on a road trip/voyage of discovery. 3) Vampiros en la Habana (1985) - Bizarre cartoon about a secret potion that allows vampires to exist in sunlight, and therefore lounge around on the beach. 4) Accion Mutante  (1993) - This is the plot summary from the IMDB: "In a future world ruled by good-looking people, a terrorist group of mutants leaded by Ramon Yarritu kidnap the daughter of Orujo, a rich businessman, to claim for the rights of the ugly people. Escaping from the police in their spaceship, Ramon try to kill his gang in order to get all the ransom. The trip ends abruptly when they crash in Axturiax, the planet of the crazy miners where no woman lives." Yep, that about sums it up. Absolutely bonkers. 5) Nueve Reinas  (2000) - Really taut Argentinian con/heist/thriller that keeps you guessing all the way through

Most disappointing gigs

1) Q65, Apeldoorn NL, Sept 2000: I was living in Amsterdam at the time, and was hugely excited to discover that top Nederbiet combo Q65 were playing a bar in Apeldoorn (about 50 miles down the road). I rang the bar to confirm they were playing, and the bar owner mistakenly assumed I was travelling especially to Apeldoorn from England just for this gig. He then excitedly told everyone in Apeldoorn that this English bloke was coming over just to see the Q65, so when I pitched up at the bar, I was greeted like royalty. The Q65 guys were really chuffed that I'd come so far (I decided not to burst their bubble) and so we gassed away merrily before their set. Although there were only two original members left, all of them were friendly and pleasant and we had a good old natter. Then they went on stage and started playing the most turgid chugga-chugga blues rock it's ever been my misfortune to hear. I think I lasted about 4 songs before sneaking out and high tailing it back to Amsterdam 2) Bo Diddley, London Astoria, June 1991: It's always a gamble when you go to see old gits, especially when it's the best part of 3 decades since they released their last decent record. Although Bo himself was still interesting to see, this gig was disappointing for 2 reasons - firstly the backing band who seemingly had no idea how to play Bo's songs and secondly because Bo thought he needed to get "down with the kids" by doing a rap. Dire. 3) Davy Graham, Burgess Hill, Oct 2007: I discovered the marvellous Davy Graham relatively recently, so when I found out he was coming to my home town I went through the usual old dilemma of "will he be good, will he be shite" then decided it was worth the risk of going to see him. Alas, he was awful. Bum notes, timing shot to pieces, incomprehensible intersong mumblings and a set that lasted about half an hour. Oh well. 4) The Wailers, Las Vegas Grind, Oct 1999: If you've read this far you'll probably have realised this is Tacoma's Fabulous Wailers, not Bob Marley's lot. Here's a band who recorded some great rock'n'roll instrumentals in the late 50s, backed Rockin' Robin Roberts on his great take of Louie Louie in the early 60s, then mutated into a top quality, fuzz drenched mid 60s garage punk combo (their wild take on The Beatles' I'm Down is one of my all-time favourite songs). Alas when I saw them at the first Vegas Grind they were a bit "chicken in a basket" 5) Elisha Blue, The Borderline, sometime in 1989 I'd seen this bloke a few times at the Grey Horse in Kingston, pounding out some electrifying electric blues (a la Hendrix), so when I saw he was playing the Borderline I dragged a bunch of mates along, only to discover he wasn't doing his blues set that night. Oh no, he was playing Prince-style funk. I think we left after half a song.

Websites I look at every day

1) http://news.bbc.co.uk/ Being a native of these Isles, one tends to consider the BBC to be a bastion of all things British, to be completely infallible, uncorruptable and above all 100% truthful, so it's a bit of a blow to come to the realisation that, just like any other large corporation, it's full of lying, deceitful, backstabbing chuffers. That said, their news reporting is still second to none. 2) http://www.bagrec.com/ Richard Sanderson's blog is always entertaining, whether he's talking about music, outer space, atheism, the politics of the left or even morris dancing 3) http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/ My new favourite website. Blisteringly funny satirical news spoof, and right up there for me with the mighty http://www.tvgohome.com/  (which is no longer updated regularly, hence no longer viewed daily by me) 4) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page Notoriously inaccurate, but endlessly fascinating 5) The statistics page for this website - Firstly, because it's interesting to see how many hits the site gets, and which pages get the most, and secondly because it lists the search terms people enter into Google, Ask, etc that lead them to stumble (unwittingly more than not I suspect) upon this site. My favourite is still the unfortunate individual who was trying to find images of a certain "gentlemen's interest" performer's toilet parts, and ended up here. Bet that cooled his ardour.

Fords driven by fictional cozzers
	1) Dave Starsky's Torino 2) Frank Bullitt's Mustang 3) Jack Regan's Granada 4) William Bodie's Capri (I never knew his first name until just now. Good ol' Wikipedia, eh?) 5) The Z Cars' Zephyr

Fords I have owned

1) 1979 Econoline. A 3 ton brute of a truck which, for reasons best known to himself, the original buyer has specifically asked not to have power steering in, so parking it was a bleedin' nightmare. It's 5 litre engine drank petrol like nobody's business, every time it went into the garage it cost hundreds of pounds ot get fixed, the front passenger seat wasn't very securely anchored, it was the colour of Ambrosia Creamed Rice, it broke down on tour twice, bur despite all that I loved it. 2) 1983 Transit. The precursor to the Econoline above. It was late 1994 and The Napiers had booked their first German tour, so rather than do something sensible like hire a nice, modern, comfy van I decided to buy a clapped out death trap with no heating or stereo and back doors that had a tendency to pop open when travelling down the motorway at 80mph 3) 1979 Fiesta. The first of 5 Fiestas I've had, and like my Fender Twin, Watkins Copicat & Fuzzface, previously owned by my step brother. Towards the end of its life, this little car was held together by gaffer tape (not an exaggeration), the brakes were shot, the clutch was knackered and on the last time I drove it the radiator blew up. So I parked it in Sidcup B&Q car park and carried on with my business, and when I returned the next day to collect it someone had nicked it! They presumably only got a mile or so down the road before it overheated and died, so they abandoned it, but by the time it was found the insurance company had paid out on it. Hahahaha. 4) 1997 Mondeo. Not the most stylish of Fords, but it is big and black and as a friend of mine pointed out "it's got a two corpse boot" 5) 1972 Consul Estate. This was the family car we drove to Italy in that year. That's my parents in the front, my five brothers and sisters in the back seat and me in the boot with all the luggage. And it looked like Jack Regan's motor in the Sweeney (albeit the estate version) (pictures swiped off Wikipedia - not piccies of the actual cars. In case you gave a monkey's)

Canadian Artistes
	1) Huevos Rancheros 2) The Hanson Brothers 3) Shadowy Men On A Shadowy Planet 4) Big Rude Jake 5) The Haunted

Pig Products
	1) Sausage (including savaloy, salami, fuet, pepperoni etc as well as yer old fashioned banger) 2) Bacon (particularly in a sarnie with lashings of tommy k) 3) Gala Pie (with the loooooooong egg down the middle) 4) Roast Pork (with all the trimmings) 5) Scratchings (mmmmm; hairy, crispy pig fat - the king of bar snacks)

Who's The Daddy?
	1) The Mad Daddy - The Cramps 2) My Daddy Is A Vampire - The Meteors 3) Daddy Died On Saturday - The Outsiders 4) Gone Daddy Gone - The Violent Femmes 5) I'm A Long Gone Daddy - Hank Williams

Stratomasters
	1) Hank Marvin 2) Dick Dale 3) Colin Pryce-Jones 4) Kid Congo Powers 5) Jimi Hendrix

Songs about Cadillacs
	1) Brand New Cadillac - Vince Taylor 2) Cadillac - Bo Diddley 3) One Piece At A Time - Johnny Cash ("This is the Cottonmouth in The Psychobilly Cadillac, c'mon" - could this be the first use of the term "psychobilly" in song?) 4) Twin Cadillac Valentine - The Screaming Blue Messiahs 5) Bring That Cadillac Back - Harry Grafton   Johnny Cash's 49, 50, 51, 52, etc Caddy

Number Twos
	1) Leo McKern 2) Colin Gordon 3) George Baker 4) Peter Wyngarde 5) Guy Doleman Be seeing you...

Acts I've booked at Scaledown
	1) The Southern Tenant Folk Union - Absolutely amazing bluegrass combo 2) The Singing Loins - Authentic raw folk from the Medway Delta 3) David Gunn - Superb fingerpickin' guitarist 4) Don Tempi - Advert music from July 1981 5) John Zonn - Simultaneous translations

Teenage Shutdown
	1) I Was A Teenage Werewolf - The Cramps 2) Teenagers From Outer Space - The Meteors 3) Teenage Kicks - The Undertones 4) Teenage Lobotomy - The Ramones 5) Teenage Riot - Sonic Youth

T.L.A.s*
	1) E.M.I. - The Sex Pistols 2) L.S.D. - Wendell Austin 3) B.M.C. - The Wildebeests 4) F.B.I. - The Shadows 5) G.L.C. - Menace * = Three Letter Acronyms

Extreme Stereo

1) What'd I Say - Ray Charles If you just listen to the left channel you get nowt but drums and after 3 or 4 minutes the Raelettes moaning, something I imagine Ray heard quite a lot of one way or another over the years.  2) The Gift - The Velvet Underground Swing your balance knob to the left and you get John Cale's stentorian tones reading Lou's hilarious short story of lovelorn Waldo Jeffers. Swing your balance knob to the right and you get the instrumental number 'Booker T'.  3) Today Your Love, Tomorrow The World - The Ramones For the whole of their first album Johnny's panned to the right and Dee Dee to the left, so if you just listen to the left channel you get "Ramones dub". Interestingly (or not) the swathe of feedback that segues I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You into Today Your Love is dead centre, the only time the guitar isn't fully panned to the right. Sadly, none of their subsequent albums retained this extreme stereo split  4) Carioca - Juan Esquivel From "The Stereo Action Dimension: History of Space Age Pop Vol. 3" and as with all of the tracks on this album, the engineers clearly had a field day messing about with their brand spanking new stereo mixing desks, as instruments zoom from left to right and back again  5) Anything By The Charles Napiers Every single song we recorded (and I think we bashed out about 65 at Toe Rag over the years) was recorded with guitars panned extreme left and right, bass & drums right down the middle. It made perfect sense to do it this way, as it mirrored the sound you'd get at a gig, with John & Danny or Sophie or Mark centre stage and me & Clive or Lee either side.

Douglas Adams' Trilogy of Five
	1) Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy 2) Life, The Universe And Everything 3) The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe 4) So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish 5) Mostly Harmless So almost in order of release, although I marginally prefer part 3 over part 2

Heeeere's Johnny
	1) Ramone 2) Burnette 3) Johnson 4) Thunders 5) Rotten   Aargh! No room for Cash...

Authors
	1) Harry Crews 2) Richard Stark 3) Charles Willeford 4) Carl Hiaasen 5) Ian Fleming

Upside Down Left Handed Guitarists
	1) Dick Dale 2) Otis Rush 3) Phil Otto 4) Dr Ross 5) Lee Pomeroy

Conventional Left Handed Guitarists
	1) Jimi Hendrix (out of The Experience) 2) Jimmy Duncombe (out of The Rackets) 3) Willy Glover (out of The Pyramids) 4) Nish (out of The Green Hornets) 5) Paul McCartney (out of The Beatles)

Guitarists who are left handed, but play right handed
	1) Link Wray 2) Johnny Johnson 3) Lefty Frizzell 4) Billy Bob Thornton 5) Cal McCormick

Reasons I don't have a Myspace page

1) Because everyone has one  2) Because the music player starts up automatically as soon as you access anyone's myspace music page. Imagine you went round to visit a friend and the first thing they did was force their music down your throat the minute you stepped through the door. No thank you. The first thing I do when looking at anyone's myspace page is turn the music off  3) Because of the moronic "Hey dude, thanx for the add"-type comments  4) Because of people who set up Myspace pages pretending to be someone they clearly are not. So Ennio Morricone has a Myspace, does he? Hmmmm.  5) Because I have this website. Why on earth would I need a Myspace page? OK, it may present the opportunity to "network" with potentially millions of like-minded souls but frankly I'd rather just stay clear of the whole thing. And don't even get me started on Facebook...

Pogues' Drinking Songs
	1) Whiskey You're The Devil 2) Streams of Whiskey 3) Waxie's Dargle - "What'll you have? I'll have a pint, I'll have a pint with you sir" 4) Boys From The County Hell - "Lend me £10, I'll buy you a drink, and mother wake me early in the morning" 5) Repeal Of The Licensing Laws

The Rules of Music

1)      No band should stay together for more than 5 years (exception: The Bad Seeds)  2)      The law of diminishing marginal returns: 1st album great, 2nd album good, 3rd album ok, 4th album iffy, etc, etc (exception: Hmmm, I guess some might argue that the Beatles peaked in the middle of their career with Rubber Soul/Revolver, BUT, let us not forget that those albums harbour the horrors that are Yellow Submarine & Michelle)  3)      Bands that reform should not do new material. It never works (no exceptions to this rule)  4)      A band is greater than the sum of its parts: solo output is never better than band output (exception: Neil Young, perhaps)  5)      Whatever music you liked when you were 14 years old will stick with you throughout your life (assuming you're still as passionate about music now as you were then)

Batman Villains
	1) Catwoman, especially when played by Julie Newmar (phwoar, eh?) 2) The Riddler 3) The Joker 4) King Tut 5) Penguin

Eponymous Albums
	1) Stooges - Stooges 2) Ramones - Ramones 3) Naked City - Naked City 4) Specials - Specials 5) Grinderman - Grinderman Generally speaking, I don't like it when bands title their albums eponymously. I think it shows a lack of imagination. I don't even like it when an album is named after its lead track. I much prefer albums to have a distinct title, hence the next list...

Non-eponymous, non-title track, just darn good album titles

1) The Uncompromising War On Art Under The Dictatorship Of The Proletariat - Killdozer 2) Songs About Fucking - Big Black 3) Dial M For Motherfucker - Pussy Galore. I don't actually like this band, but a great title and a cracking cover (a bad-assed dude with an afro and a shooter kicking down a door) 4) Songs The Lord Taught Us - The Cramps. Not 'Songs of the Lord Tortoise' as a friend of mine thought this was called 5) Liquor In The Front, Poker In The Back - Reverend Horton Heat. Took me years to spot the double entendre in this title. Duh.

Songs About Ginger Birds
	1) Little Rivi-Airhead - Junior Brown: 'She's not that smart but she can really move a sled, she's my pretty little red rivi-airhead' 2) Red Headed Woman - Sonny Burgess 3) For The Love of Ivy - The Gun Club: about Ms Rorschach/Mrs Interior 4) She's A Redhead - Lloyd Tripp & The Zipguns 5) Jolene - Dolly Parton: OK, she's auburn, but that's close enough

Chicks With Picks
	1) Poison Ivy Rorschach 2) Sister Rosetta Tharpe 3) The Duchess 4) Dot 5) Kim Deal

Beezer Ballads
	1) Ballad of a Thin Man - Bob Dylan 2) Ballad of Robert Moore & Betty Coltrane - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds 3) Ballad of My Old Man - Killdozer 4) Ballad of JD - The Vibes 5) Ballad of Rock Ridge - Mel Brooks

Bonds (revised)
	1) Connery 2) Craig 3) Brosnan 4) Lazenby 5) Moore   ...and having seen Casino Royale, which was excellent, Craig jumps straight in at number two.

1,2,3 o'clock, twelve o'clock rock
	1) In The Midnight Hour - The Jam 2) Moanin' at Midnight - Howlin' Wolf 3) Midnight to Six Man - The Pretty Things 4) Midnight Cowboy - John Barry 5) Midnight Blues - The Detroit Cobras

Hammond Organs 1) B3 2) C3 3) L100 4) A122 5) D152

My Generation album tracks
	1) It's Not True 2) A Legal Matter 3) The Good's Gone 4) La La La Lies 5) The Kids Are Alright All killer, no filler

Nativity Special

JOSEPH SONGS  MARY SONGS  JESUS SONGS  Hey Joe (Tim Rose, Hendrix, Leaves, Love, Byrds, Nick Cave, etc, etc)  Mary (Solarflares)  Dragnet For Jesus (Sister Wynona Carr)  I Had A Dream Joe (Nick Cave)  Mary Mary (Monkees)  Jesus Chrysler Drives A Dodge (Screaming Blue Messiahs)  Joey Had To Go (Hanson Brothers)  Bloody Mary (Barrence Whitfield)  Jesus (Velvet Underground)  Dead Joe (Birthday Party)  Mary Won't You Call My Name? (Morphine)  Elvis Fucking Christ (Cramps)  Josephine (Fats Domino)  Mary Joanna (Stairs)  Dropkick Me Jesus (Bobby Bare)

American Sitcoms
	1) Frasier 2) Becker 3) That 70s Show 4) Seinfeld 5) Scrubs I really only have Sky so I can watch the Paramount Comedy Channel

Trios

1) Morphine 2) Reverend Horton Heat 3) The Wildebeests 4) Killdozer 5) World Domination Enterprises not to mention Thee Mighty Caesars, Cream, The Jam, Motorhead, Thee Headcoats, The Oscar Peterson Trio, The Jimi Hendrix Experience, The Band of Pikeys, The Jimmy Smith Trio, Big Black, Rapeman, Huevos Rancheros, Shadowy Men On A Shadowy Planet, Cee Bee Beaumont, The Meteors, The Big Three (all 3 of them - Willie Dixon's, Tim Rose's and the Scouse beat ones), Hipbone Slim & The Kneetremblers, The Screaming Blue Messiahs, The Pirates, Wilko Johnson, Thee Cybermen...I could go on.

Ramones 'Wanna' Songs
	1) I Wanna Be Sedated 2) I Don't Wanna Grow Up 3) I Wanna Be Well 4) I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You 5) I Don't Wanna Go Down To The Basement

Bonds
	1) Connery 2) Brosnan 3) Lazenby 4) Moore 5) Dalton Have to wait and see what this Craig fella's like.

Versions of 'Have Love Will Travel'
	1) The Sonics - the definitive version, and the template for most other covers 2) Richard Berry - the original. Great intro 3) Thee Headcoatees - stunning drumfill after the solo 4) Mojo Nixon 5) The Black Keys

Triangular Foodstuffs
	1) Meat Samosa 2) Dairylea 3) Tesco Deep Fill Cheese and Onion Sandwich 4) Those little cheesey cocktail biscuits 5) Shiny Green Quality Street

Musical Doctors

1) Dr Feelgood - RnB in Lionels. And Wilko used an H&H amp 2) Dr Explosion - Asturian Trash Trio. Very, very good live, although they did whine when they borrowed my H&H amp, because it wasn't a Vox. 3) Dr Ross - One man blues band. Plus he played left handed upside down & back to front (the only way) 4) Dr Deleto & His Invisible Vapotron - Rhythm guitarist out of Man Or Astroman 5) Dr John - At his best when he keeps his trap shut and just tinkles the ivories

Beatles Covers
	1) I'm Down (The Wailers)   2) Taxman (The Music Machine)   3) Dear Prudence (Siouxsie & The Banshees)   4) Help (The Damned)   5) She Said She Said (The Black Keys)

Songs with mistakes left in

1) Louie Louie by The Kingsmen - The whole darn thing's one big ramshackle mess, but that's what makes it so great. Everything from the singer coming in too early after the solo, to the drummer audibly shouting a rude word (unbelievably missed by the FBI when they were investigating the song for lewdness) make this version of LL what it is 2) Who Loves The Sun by The Velvet Underground - About a minute in you hear Lou Reed cough in the background. Apparently he was a bit tom that day 3) Some Fool's Mess by Gallon Drunk - At one point James Johnston drops his guitar with an audible clunk, Mike stops the bass but Max carries on drumming. Mike comes back in on bass, followed by a howl of feedback and screeching organ. Best bit of the song. 4) Shop Around by Johnny Kidd & The Pirates - The organ player decides to change key halfway through, but the rest of the Pirates decide to stay in the key they were in. Two bars later, Mr Organ Player rejoins them 5) Bob Dylan's 115th Dream by Bob Dylan - Ten seconds in and the whole thing breaks down into raucous and seemingly uncontrollable laughter. But then the whole band come back in and are tight as a camel's bottom in a sandstorm.

Big Fat Orange Gretsch Slingers
	1) Eddie Cochran 2) Poison Ivy 3) Reverend Horton Heat 4) Brian Setzer 5) PJ Harvey

Chicks With Sticks

1) Mo Tucker -  has a truly original approach to drumming, the Velvets wouldn't have sounded the same with out her (and didn't, just listen to Loaded and Max's Kansas City). Also, she always comes across as a really nice person in interviews, unlike her former bandmates (except for Sterling) 2) Sophie Skittles - I suspect the 9 years (6 in the Diaboliks, 3 in The Napiers)  I spent positioned about a foot in front of her crash cymbal has a lot to do with the diminished performance of my lugholes 3) Debbie Green - X Men, Dutronc, etc 4) Robert Hampson's missus - the original Loop drummer 5) Mavis out of the Priscillas - saw them supporting the Cramps the other week and bless my soul she was good

Reunion gigs

1) The Stooges, Hammersmith Odeon (2005)  Un-be-flaming-lievable gig, this. Electric atmosphere, Iggy prowling the stage like "a street walking cheetah with a heart full of napalm", the Ashetons playing exactly as they did 35 years ago and Mike Watt's barely disguised glee to be playing with his heroes. Favourite moment was when a roadie slunk on stage halfway through to offer Ron a fresh guitar and was waved away. After all, what was wrong with the one he was playing?  2) The Velvet Underground, The Forum (1993)  Lou Reed was, inevitably, an irritating twonk, changing the melodies on the fly and  unnecessarily using fresh guitars for each song. But even so, it was GREAT to see Lou, John, Sterling & Moe on stage, a sight I never thought I'd ever see  3) The Trashmen, Las Vegas Grind (1999)  They opened with a weak cover of a Byrds' song (Feel a Whole Lot Better as I recall) which had the audience nervously looking at each other, but having got their folk rock fix out of the way went on to deliver a blinding set of Trashmen faves  4) The Sex Pistols, Finsbury Park (1996)  I was very dubious about this beforehand, and only went because someone offered me a free ticket, but I'm so glad I did. Cook, Jones and Matlock were as tight as a gnat's chuff, and Lydon, contrary and irritating as he often is, was electrifying  5) Booker T & The MGs, Barbican (2005) Jones, Cropper and Dunn were fantastic. The only downside was that the late Al Jackson's brilliant "less is more" drumming style has been replaced by the stadium rawk poundings of some totally unsuitable musclebound meathead.

Pink Panther films

1) A Shot In The Dark (1964) 2) The Pink Panther (1963) 3) The Return of the Pink Panther (1975) 4) The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976) 5) The Revenge of the Pink Panther (1978) All other PP films (including the atrocious Inspector Clouseau (1967) with Alan Arkin as Clouseau) should be avoided at all costs. Actually the last 3 in the above list are fairly ropey, apart from the classic "Does your dog bite?" dialogue from "...Strikes Again" of course.

Effects
	1) Reverb 2) Fuzz 3) Tremolo 4) Echo 5) Feedback All of the above to be found extensively on the recordings made by the various combos on this website

Rolling Stones

Top 5 Members of The Rolling Stones (in order of preference) 1) Brian Jones - multi instrumentalist, probably the last person to play slide guitar on a number 1 single (Little Red Rooster) and anyway, it was HIS band! 2) Charlie Watts - Absolute proof that less is more. 3) Bill Wyman - Great bass player, and can't help but respect him for getting out when he did (mind you, about 23 years earlier would have been ideal) 4) Keith Richards - Is it lead? Is it rhythm? Who cares, it sounds great 5) Mick Jagger - Preening buffoon